We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
