I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
