I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
