my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
