im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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