Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize