My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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