Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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