I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
