Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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