You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
