The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
