'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
