i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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