It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
