who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
