Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
