he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize