I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
