I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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