booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
