I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
