Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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