I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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