I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think my mom watched the whole time
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
