it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
