i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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