What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
