I feel great
I just peed on a car
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So many bounce houses so little time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
