i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
