I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
