My pussy is not your playground.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
