You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
