You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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