Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hippo gnu deer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
