yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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