At least make sure they are 18
Why
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
