Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
