p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
