Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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