Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
