thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
