I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
