I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
