The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
