Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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