70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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