i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
