He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize