The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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