I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
