i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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