how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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