There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
