I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
