if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
