I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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