I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
