did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
