if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize