Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
