I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
