were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize