We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
