They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
