so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
