You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This house was built for laser tag.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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