He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
