she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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