you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
