I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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