So drunk its hurt
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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