so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
