Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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